11 Things to Do When You Feel Your Situationship Pulling Away
Ever found yourself in a romantic or sexual relationship that’s a bit… undefined? That’s what we call a situationship. It’s where the lines between friendship and romance blur, and there’s no official label or commitment.
While it gives you the freedom to enjoy each other’s company without the strings attached, the lack of clear boundaries can be a real emotional rollercoaster. Our brains crave clarity, and the ambiguity of this type of relationship can stir up anxiety as we navigate its uncertain waters.
Let’s face it - situationships are often the most fun in the beginning. The honeymoon phase feels infectious, fun, and often exhilarating. But, hot situations can go cold really fast. Even situations with clear boundaries and defined roles can get messy! Matters of the heart are complicated, but they don’t have to be so hard if you’re navigating them with a few different things at the top of your mind.
Feeling any form of drifting, regardless of your relationship type can be really tough to manage. The lack of clear expectations can lead to misunderstandings and a ton of emotional turbulence.
At KMA Therapy, we believe that with a little intention and some practical steps, you can strengthen your bond and keep your situationship from going too far off the rails. Here are 11 things to do when you feel your situationship pulling away.
#1 Use the S.T.O.P Method!
It’s so easy to go on the defensive when our feelings get hurt. I’m sure you’ve experienced a situation or two where before even thinking of what you were saying, you were angrily typing up a hurtful text message to really get the point across. Maybe you had one of your friends egging you on, convincing you to cut someone off or to “tell them how you really feel!” And just like that, you hit send!
It’s normal, we’ve all been there! But if you’re feeling your situationship pulling away, I promise you an angry text is only going to push them further! Instead, I want you to take a moment (or many!) to breathe. Consider a couple of things!
- Are the things you are preparing to say out of anger honest and transparent? Or are they sharpened to hurt someone?
- What is your goal in starting the conversation? To understand, or to punish?
- At the end of the day, do you really like this person? Or are you trying to control them by manipulating them into feeling bad for their actions?
If you’re having a tough time coming down from big emotions, remember the S.T.O.P method. It’s going to sound simple, but sometimes the simplest solution is the best one! S.T.O.P stands for:
- S - Stop or pause, exactly where you are at.
- T - Take a DEEP breath
- O - Observe the body, thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations
- P - Proceed with more awareness
Taking a moment to go through this method BEFORE taking action will almost always lead you to a better outcome. Remember that everything you are feeling is allowed, and valid. BUT, those feelings aren’t always truth/reality. Check yourself, then check in with your situationship about where you’re at!
#2 Don’t be afraid of transparency🔎
This leads us to the conversation itself. It’s really easy to speculate, but most of the time we ONLY have our own perspective to go off of. There are plenty of times that someone might just not realize the impact their actions are having on a particular relationship. Like it or not, the best way to get a good understanding of what is actually happening is - Have an honest conversation with your situationship.
It might feel daunting, but open communication is key. Share your feelings without assigning blame. Consider using "I" statements to express how you feel about the change in dynamics. For example, instead of saying, "You’re always distant now," try, "I feel a bit neglected when we don’t spend as much time together." This way, the conversation focuses on your feelings rather than making that person feel villainized.
Create a space for open dialogue. Don’t just spring it on them! Let them know you want to sit down and take some time to talk. Feel free to make it a bit more casual if your partner suffers from anxiety. Let them know you want to do a bit of a temperature check and see where it takes you!
#3 Take inventory of what you need 🤔
Take some time to think about what you truly want from this relationship. Are you looking for something more serious, or are you content with the current level of commitment? Understanding your needs can guide your next steps. Make a list of what you need from this situationship to feel satisfied and secure. This could be things like:
- more quality time together
- better communication - it often helps if you figure out your preferred way to communicate as well! Whether that's cellphone calls, facetime, texts, etc.
- Clarity on where things are headed.
Then take some time to reflect on whether these needs are being met and if the current dynamics align with your personal values and long-term goals. Understanding your needs is crucial for your emotional well-being. It's essential to take a step back and evaluate what you truly want from the relationship.
#4 Make things CRYSTAL CLEAR 💎
I think a lot of the time when people are in situationships, they think they aren’t allowed to have any autonomy. We’ve seen so many clients experiencing a situationship and constantly leaving the ball in the other person's court. They give their power away and often get their heart broken by a lack of clearly outlined expectations. Just like in any relationship, boundaries are CRUCIAL. Don’t be afraid to define what’s acceptable to you early on and communicate these boundaries clearly.
For instance, if you need weekends to yourself, expect timely responses to your message, or want to see them a certain amount of times in the week, let your situationship know! Setting boundaries is about respecting your own needs and ensuring your comfort within the relationship - while also respecting theirs. This is going to help avoid conflicts over things that can and should be discussed in a situationship.
#5 Get serious about your self-care! 💖
We’re going to give you the same advice here we’d give to our girlfriends over a glass of wine and some good food. Take care of YOU! Pamper yourself! Remind yourself that YOU DESERVE to be prioritized. When a situationship starts to pull away, it can take a toll on your mental health. Prioritize self-care activities that make you feel good. Whether it’s a hobby, spending time with friends, or simply relaxing at home, taking care of yourself is essential. Sometimes we can get really lost and co-dependent in a situationship. Take the time to remind yourself that you matter FIRST!
#6 Find a shoulder to support you 🤝
Don’t be ashamed of your situationship! It’s easy to go inward when we start feeling shame or judgment. Remember that your friends have probably experienced something similar. Don’t be afraid to tell them what you’re going through! Sometimes they can give us the reality check we need, or just be the ear we need to feel supported in a tough situation. If you need professional guidance, a therapist can help you navigate your feelings and provide coping strategies tailored to your needs. Professional insight can oftentimes be invaluable.
If you need professional guidance, our therapists at KMA Therapy are here to help!
#7. Don’t be afraid of some space 😎
I know I know I know, the one piece of advice we DON’T want to hear when we’re feeling someone pull away. It might feel counterintuitive, but space can allow both of you to gain perspective and clarity on the relationship.
During this time, resist the urge to constantly check in or seek reassurance or validation. Instead, focus on your personal growth and self-reflection. Space can often provide the breathing room needed to reevaluate feelings and intentions. It can also help reduce tension and prevent potential conflicts that arise from feeling smothered or pressured.
Our #1 tip here would be - anytime you feel the need to send a message during a space period, choose a friend to text instead. Let them be your “urge-control” friend. Sometimes just redirecting those feelings and talking about them with a trusted friend can really change your perspective. Plus - what is it they say? If you love something let it go, and if it loves you it will find its way back. It sounds a bit dramatic - but you get it! Give it space, and let it naturally make its way back to you.
#8 Put the intention on your growth 🌱
Don’t be afraid to use this time for growth! Pursue new interests, set personal goals, and invest in yourself. And the biggest investment when it comes to personal growth is time. It’s the only currency you can’t get back. Use it well.
Consider taking up a new hobby, learning a skill, or setting goals for your career or personal life. Personal growth is about continuous self-improvement and finding fulfillment within yourself rather than solely relying on your relationship for happiness.
Focusing on personal growth can be empowering, especially when dealing with the uncertainty of a situationship. Use this time to pursue new interests, set personal goals, and invest in yourself. Personal growth not only boosts your self-esteem but also helps you become more resilient in relationships. Consider taking up a new hobby, learning a new skill, or setting goals for your career or personal life.
#9 Re-evaluate the Situationship 😓
Reflect on the relationship and consider if it’s meeting your needs. If it’s not, it might be time to reevaluate whether it’s worth continuing. It’s important to prioritize your happiness and well-being. Ask yourself some critical questions: Are you happy more often than not in this situationship? Do you feel respected and valued? Is this situationship aligned with your long-term goals? If the answer to these questions is no, it might be worth reconsidering your involvement.
Prioritizing your well-being is essential, and sometimes that means making difficult decisions about your relationships. Reevaluating your situationship is an important step in ensuring your emotional well-being. Reflect on the relationship and consider if it’s meeting your needs. Are you happy more often than not? Do you feel respected and valued? Is this situationship aligned with your long-term goals?
#10 Stay True to Yourself 🤷🏽♂️
Don’t compromise your values or needs just to keep the relationship going. Staying true to yourself and what you believe in ensures that you’re not losing your identity in the process. Authenticity is crucial in any relationship. Pretending to be someone you’re not or ignoring your needs will only lead to dissatisfaction and resentment. Be honest with yourself about what you want and need, and don’t be afraid to voice these to your partner.
Remember, a healthy relationship should enhance your life, not detract from it.
#11 Know When to Walk Away 🚶♀️
If the situationship is causing more stress than joy, it might be time to walk away! Ending it can be tough, but sometimes it’s necessary for your mental health and overall well-being. Walking away doesn’t mean you’ve “failed” or “lost.” It means you’re choosing to prioritize your your needs and well-being. Reflect on the relationship’s impact on your life.
I promise you - taking that type of action in your life will create space for more fulfilling connections that integrate better with your needs. On top of that, this experience will help with your overall awareness of whats important to you. Next time you navigate a situationship (if you choose to do it again) you’ll know exactly what expectations to set with your new fling.
Conclusion
Situationships can be a complex and emotionally challenging experience. It's crucial to take care of yourself first and foremost. Prioritize self-care, communicate openly, and lean on your support system to help navigate these challenging times. Seeking professional help can provide clarity and perspective, helping you understand your needs and boundaries better, paving the way for healthier future relationships.
By acknowledging your feelings, setting clear boundaries, and focusing on personal growth, you can manage the uncertainties of a situationship more effectively. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is essential, and sometimes making difficult decisions is necessary for your mental health and overall happiness.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if my situationship is worth saving?
Only you can truly make that call. Take a hard look at your core needs and values, and assess whether this situationship is meeting them. If not, it might be time to walk away, no matter how difficult that may be.
What if my partner refuses to have the boundary conversation?
If your partner is unwilling to engage in an open and honest dialogue about boundaries, that's a major red flag. You can't force someone to respect your needs, so you may have to decide whether this situationship is still viable for you.
How do I avoid getting too emotionally invested in a situationship?
It's easier said than done, but try to manage your expectations and avoid projecting too far into the future. Engage in self-care practices, lean on your support system, and be honest with yourself about what you're truly seeking.
What if my partner starts seeing other people?
Unless you’ve committed to exclusivity, it’s not something you should focus too hard on. If you prefer they don’t see anyone else during this time, you’ll have to outline that expectation pretty explicitly and see if thats something they’re willing to do without a monogamous relationship on the table.
How do I know when it's time to end a situationship?
Trust your gut. If the situation is causing you more stress and pain than joy and fulfillment, and your partner isn't willing to meet you halfway, it's probably time to cut your losses and move on.
Get Help with Online Therapy at KMA
Feeling lost in your situationship? We at KMA Therapy are here to help. Register online to book a session with one of our amazing therapists, or take our Therapy 101 quiz to find out more about your needs. Let’s work together to bring clarity and peace into your life.
