16 Signs Your “Friend” Is Toxic—And What to Do About It
For me, as a relationship therapist with a doctoral degree in psychology, I’ve worked with so many more people than you’d ever expect who deal with toxic friends. It’s way more common than people realize. And one of the hardest parts is recognizing the toxicity when you’re in it.
One of the reasons we as therapists know this is so common is that a lot of us grew up in environments where our boundaries weren’t respected in the first place, which makes it easy to miss red flags in friendships as adults.
If we’ve been conditioned to minimize our own needs, we’re more likely to justify friends being toxic, not speak out the first couple times something happens and second-guess ourselves. Even when the signs are obvious🙈
Friendships are supposed to feel SUPER safe, energizing, and mutually supportive. If a relationship leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or insecure, it might be time to take a closer look.
Here are 16 major signs your “friend” isn’t really a friend at all. They’re genuinely just toxic.
1. They act bored and disinterested when you’re telling a story, but the second it’s their turn to talk, they light up like a Christmas tree.
Have you ever been mid-sentence, sharing something exciting, and suddenly realized that they aren’t listening at all? Maybe they glance at their phone, yawn, or their entire body language basically says “Hurry up so I can talk”. It’s soul-crushing.
But the moment the attention shifts to them? Ooooh get ready. They’re fully engaged, passionate, and expressive. It’s like they were waiting for their cue to start their own performance.
A true friend is JUST as interested in YOUR experiences as they are in their own. If they only come alive when they’re the center of attention, that’s a major problem.
2. They talk at you, not to you—like you’re their AUDIENCE, not a person.
Do you ever leave a conversation feeling like you barely spoke at all?
A toxic friend treats every interaction like a one-woman show. You probably know exactly what I mean because they constantly talk about themselves, barely pause to ask you anything, and when you do manage to get a word in, they either ignore it or redirect the conversation back to them.
This is completely toxic. Friendships should be mutual. If every interaction feels like a lecture or a performance, you’re not in a friendship—you’re in a fan club.
3. They JUST can’t let you have your moment. Whether you’re in a room full of people or just one-on-one, they CONSISTENTLY find a way to center themselves.
Have you ever been in the middle of a story, only for them to interrupt, shift the focus, or IMMEDIATELY make it about them?
You’re telling a group something funny, they cut in to top your story. You’re excited about an accomplishment, and they immediately share how they did something similar, but bigger.
Real friends can actually share space. If someone constantly steals the spotlight, it’s not an accident—it’s a them problem.
4. You tell them something exciting and they immediately make it about them. Like, can I get five seconds to celebrate my own life?
Picture this: You finally get an amazing opportunity, and you can’t wait to share it. Instead of celebrating, they usually respond with:
- "Oh wow, I did that already"
- "That reminds me of when I..."
- "I mean, I guess that’s cool, but have you heard about what I’m doing?"
They can’t just let you bask in your own joy. They literally HAVE to insert themselves into the narrative.
A real friend knows how to hold space for you without making everything about them.
5. They see you (and others) for what they can extract from you—whether it’s VIP experiences, connections, or access to a world they want in on.
Ever had a friend who only reaches out when they need something?
Maybe they want an invite to an exclusive event, an introduction to one of your contacts, or a favor that benefits them—but when the roles are reversed, they’re nowhere to be found.
These people aren’t friends—they’re opportunists. A real friendship isn’t built on transactional benefits, it’s built on genuine connection.
6. You can feel them gatekeeping their social life, but they have zero problem inserting themselves into yours.
Have you ever introduced someone to your friends, invited them to events, and opened up your world, only to realize that they never do the same for you?
Maybe they keep their plans vague, conveniently "forget" to invite you places, or act secretive about their social life—but the second they see you with new people, they’re quick to insert themselves into your circle.
Friendships should feel expansive, not exclusive. If they want access to your life but won’t grant you the same in return, that’s a one-sided dynamic.
7. They act resentful when you get attention, but if they are in the spotlight, they expect you to drop everything and be their hype woman.
Have you ever felt like your wins make them weirdly distant or cold?
Maybe they dismiss your accomplishments, act unenthusiastic, or subtly downplay what you’ve achieved. But when the spotlight is on them? They expect full support, validation, and applause.
Friendships should feel mutual. If they can't celebrate you the way you celebrate them, it’s time to rethink the relationship.
8. They act annoyed when people flirt with you or take an interest in you—like your existence is somehow a threat to them.
Ever been at a party and felt like your friend wasn’t happy that you were getting attention?
Maybe they made passive-aggressive comments, rolled their eyes, or acted irritated when someone showed interest in you. It’s like they see your desirability as competition instead of something to celebrate.
A real friend wants to see you shine.
9. They have a subtle way of making you feel less interesting, less fun, or less worthy whenever you’re around them.
Have you ever left a hangout feeling smaller than when you arrived?
They don’t outright insult you, but they subtly diminish your presence—ignoring your contributions, giving backhanded compliments, or making you feel like you’re "less than."
A good friend makes you feel bigger, not smaller.
10. When you meet new people together, they subtly try to make you look like the less impressive one.
Have you ever introduced them to someone new, only to feel like they were positioning themselves as the superior one?
They might make inside jokes at your expense, downplay your achievements, or steer the conversation so they come out looking like the star.
Friendship isn’t about ranking social status—if they constantly try to outshine you, that’s a problem.
11. They minimize your wins but make a spectacle of theirs.
You tell them something exciting? They barely react. But when they accomplish something they expect fireworks and a standing ovation.
Every time it happens you keep telling yourself “oh they’re going through something big in their life right now, this isn’t how they usually are,” but over time you realize that it’s NOT changing. They’re constantly highlighting their dramas, their accomplishments, and their attractiveness, and they’re always finding ways to subtly undermine yours. To both YOU and the people around you.
Over time, people do end up believing that your friend IS the more accomplished one. And this is because they’re constantly selling themself or trying to take away your shine when you’re in the room. It’s unhealthy and unfair.
Friendships should feel balanced. not like a one-sided fan club.
12. They interrupt you constantly but expect you to be their unpaid therapist.
You feel like you’re just there to listen, but never to be heard. They vent for hours, but the second you start talking about your struggles, they either tune out or dismiss your feelings.
Friendship isn’t one person doing all the emotional labor. It should go both ways.
13. They expect you to support their dreams, but when you talk about yours, they LITERALLY act like you’re being unrealistic or “too much”.
When you share an exciting goal or dream with them, it’s only ever met with skepticism, doubt, or a condescending “wow.”
Toxic friends are KNOWN for subtly making you feel like your ambitions are unrealistic. like you’re reaching too high, dreaming too big, or expecting too much. But when they talk about their goals? They expect full support, encouragement, and validation.
A true friend doesn’t shrink your vision. You should never feel guilty for talking to them about it. True friends lift you up. ALWAYS.
14. They say mean things and cover it up with, “I’m just being honest.”
Have you ever had a friend disguise cruelty as honesty? They say something awful about the new person you’re dating, your outfit, or your appearance. I’ve seen way too many people have this exact experience.
They’ll say something sooo offensive and when you bark back, they’ll say something like:
- “I’m just keeping it real.”
- “I’m just being honest.”
- “Don’t be so sensitive.”
Real honesty and friendship isn’t cruel. It’s constructive. A genuine friend tells the truth with kindness, but never with the intent to hurt you.
15. They only like you when you’re small. The second you start glowing up, they start acting different.
You post a confident picture of yourself. AND THEY DON’T LIKE IT.
You excitedly share a new project with them. AND THEY ACT LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL.
You take them to an exciting event. AND THEY COMPLAIN or PICK IT APART.
Think back to a time when you leveled up—maybe you started thriving in your career, feeling more confident, or stepping into a better version of yourself.
Did your friend start getting critical? Distant, irritated, or even outright dismissive? Pay attention!
Some people are comfortable with you as long as you don’t surpass them. They preferred you when you needed them, when you were struggling, when they felt superior. But the moment you start glowing, growing, and becoming your best self—they resent it.
16. You constantly feel like you have to manage their moods, reactions, or insecurities just to keep the peace.
And the worst sign of all of a toxic friend is that you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, carefully choosing your words and actions to avoid setting them off.
This is indicative of borderline abusive behaviour, not just toxic. They get offended easily, hold grudges, give the silent treatment, or expect you to manage their emotions for them.
You should NEVER feel like you’re walking on eggshells with a friend. If you do, it’s likely toxic, and you deserve better.
If you're stuck navigating a toxic friendship and need a little extra guidance, set up a free 15-minute Discovery Call as soon as today, and get the support you need.
