How to Date When You Have an Anxious Attachment Style
Dating in the modern world is hard enough.
From scrolling through endless photos on dating apps, to feeling your heart race every time your phone pings with a text message, being single can be daunting.
When you have an anxious attachment style, dating can feel downright impossible.
Luckily, there are ways to make dating less anxiety-inducing – and it can even be fun.
Here at KMA Therapy, we know you want your relationships to feel supportive, fulfilling, and exciting. For over 14 years, we’ve helped our clients learn how to get the relationships they want, no matter what their attachment style is.
After reading this article, you’ll have five easy tips to make dating with an anxious attachment style a bit easier, and a roadmap to get the healthy relationship you deserve.
5 Tips for Dating with an Anxious Attachment Style
When you have an anxious attachment style, it can feel overwhelming to navigate relationships. It can feel like you have a problem that needs to be fixed before you find love – but that isn’t the case.
You deserve love exactly as you are right now, and there’s nothing you need to change to be worthy of love.
Still, lowering your sense of anxiety in relationships will make you feel better and help dating to feel more manageable.
These five tips offer a simple and clear way to help you move from an anxious attachment style to the secure relationship you deserve.
1. Hone Your Sense of Self-Awareness
As someone with an anxious attachment style, you are likely incredibly sensitive to the needs of other people. You can tell when something is even slightly off with your partner – which can sometimes lead you to have big reactions to small situations.
Fortunately, you can also use this skill to also become highly tuned into your own needs.
When you have an anxious attachment style, you’re more likely to:
- Constantly worry about the relationship
- Try to be as physically and emotionally close to your partner as possible
- Blame or guilt-trip your partner when you’re worried things aren’t working out
- Feel a lot of anger toward your partner or toward yourself when something difficult happens
Learning to recognize these anxious attachment responses is a great first step to becoming more secure – these responses may have helped keep you safe in the past, but recognize that it’s okay to let them go.
2. Communicate Clearly, Openly, and Honestly
Once you can recognize when you’re responding in ways you’d rather not, you can have a conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling.
It’s okay to open up and be honest – this level of transparency is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Avoid assuming you know how the other person will react, especially if you think they’ll have a negative reaction to what you’re saying. The right person will want to hear you out and figure out how to make the relationship stronger.
Read 3 Tips to Improve Communication in Your Relationships to learn more.
3. Develop a Support System Outside of Your Partner
Having a trusting, supportive relationship with your partner is important. You want to be able to rely on them.
But your partner shouldn’t be your only form of support.
Don’t forget about the value of your platonic relationships!
Friendships can help teach you about:
- Healthy boundaries
- Open communication
- Reciprocal relationships
- Support and stress management
Having a network of support can help you remember how many people care about you – and take some of the pressure off your partner.
4. Create a Self-Soothing Routine
A strong support system is great – but don’t forget that you’re part of it. You know yourself best, and you can likely meet more of your needs than you give yourself credit for!
Think about what makes you feel good.
Is it putting in a great workout at the gym?
Is it scribbling all of your overwhelming feelings down in your journal?
Is it snuggling under a weighted blanket with your favourite Netflix show?
Finding ways to soothe yourself and process distressing emotions can help you feel more confident in your ability to exist outside of a relationship, and remind you of the value of spending quality time with yourself.
5. Seek Professional Support if You Need It
Sometimes we all need a little extra support – and an outside perspective on your relationship can be enlightening.
Speaking with a relationship therapist, either independently or as a couple, can help you identify challenges you may have overlooked and come up with creative solutions you wouldn’t have thought of on your own.
Next Steps for Developing a Secure Attachment Style
Moving toward a secure attachment style takes time, effort, and energy – so don’t feel bad if you don’t magically feel better overnight. It’s an ongoing process, and it’s okay for it to take a while!
Here at KMA Therapy, we know you deserve to have healthy, fulfilling relationships – and you deserve to be kind to yourself while you’re working toward them.
For over 14 years, we’ve helped our clients recognize their worth, identify areas of their relationships where they want to grow, and achieve the supportive relationships they deserve.
Book an appointment today, or reach out to our caring team with any questions you might have.
We can’t wait to hear from you!
If you’re not yet ready to book an appointment, read these articles to keep learning:
