4 Ways to Deal with an Anxious Attachment Style

Dating in the modern world can be tough. Between dating apps and unequal expectations, it can feel tricky.

When you have an anxious attachment style, it can be even harder.

Here at KMA Therapy, we know you want the tools to thrive in your life and relationships. For over 14 years, we’ve been helping our clients get the fulfilling relationships they want.

After reading this article, you’ll know what an anxious attachment style is, signs you might be anxiously attached, and four ways to cope.

What is an Anxious Attachment Style?

People with an anxious attachment style have a deep fear of rejection and abandonment in relationships – including both platonic friendships and romantic partners.

If you have an anxious attachment style, you may constantly feel like the “other shoe is about to drop.” You’re worried that the relationship might end at any minute, so you do everything you can in order to keep it – oftentimes making your partners feel smothered.

Signs of an Anxious Attachment Style Include:

• Feeling jealous
• Feeling clingy or needy
• Basing your self-worth on approval from others
• Difficulty dealing with conflicts or hard conversations
• Constantly seeking reassurance that the relationship is okay

4 Tips for an Anxious Attachment Style

Just because you have an anxious attachment style, it doesn’t mean you can’t have healthy relationships.

These tips can help you develop a more secure attachment style and feel more stable in your relationships.

1. Establish Realistic Needs

What do you actually need in a relationship?

Getting more clear about your values and needs in a relationship can help you set clear expectations with potential partners – while helping you understand what you can reasonably expect from them.

If you really value clear and open communication, that’s great.

Setting a realistic goal of having a meaningful conversation with your partner every day is a great expectation.

Asking your partner to answer your texts every five minutes, on the other hand, might not be realistic.

2. Manage Your Anxiety in Other Ways

Anxiety from other areas of your life can definitely find its way into your relationships.

Are you taking steps to manage your anxiety independently?

 To help manage your anxiety, try:

• Getting enough sleep
• Eating nutritious meals
• Getting enough exercise
• Speaking with a therapist

Check out 7 Unconventional Ways to Manage Your Anxiety for more tips.

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3. Practice Healthy Communication

There’s nothing wrong with needing reassurance and support in a relationship.

But your partner can’t meet needs that they don’t know you have.

Oftentimes, small misunderstandings in a relationship can escalate into full-blown conflicts if they’re not addressed.

If something upsets you, don’t be afraid to bring it up to your partner.

4. Understand That Boundaries are a Good Thing

When you have an anxious attachment style, your partner’s healthy boundaries can feel a bit like rejection.

If your partner wants to spend a night out with their friends, it can feel like they’re leaving you behind.

But having your own lives outside of the relationship will actually make it stronger.

It’s okay to feel anxious when your partner is spending time without you – but that doesn’t mean you need to act on those anxieties.

Boundaries are healthy, and time apart offers a great opportunity for you to focus on yourself.

Try putting on your favourite movie, Facetiming a friend, or starting a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try.

Next Steps for Dealing with an Anxious Attachment Style

After reading this article, you now know four ways to manage an anxious attachment style in your relationships.

Here at KMA Therapy, we know what an important role your relationships play in your life. For over 14 years, we’ve been helping our clients get the relationships they want – and we’re here to help you, too.

Book an appointment today or connect with our caring team if you have any questions about the therapy process.

If you’re not yet ready to book an appointment, check out these resources for more information:

• If you’re struggling with trust issues, read: What Causes Trust Issues – and 3 Ways You Can Overcome Them
• To learn more about attachment styles, read: How Does Your Attachment Style Affect Your Relationships?
• To learn about your love language, read: Can Your Love Language Reignite the Spark in Your Relationship?