The Best Dating Tips Based on Your Attachment Style
The modern dating world is complicated, and depending on your attachment style, it can feel even more complex.
Whether you find yourself feeling clingy in relationships or the thought of romance makes you want to run for the hills, these dating tips can help you learn what you want in relationships - and how to get it.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re relationship experts. For over 14 years, we’ve helped our clients learn how to thrive in relationships based on their unique needs.
Not sure what your attachment style is? Take our Attachment Styles Quiz to find out.
Dating Tips for an Anxious Attachment Style
Navigating relationships can be complex - and when you have an anxious attachment style, this can add an extra layer of thoughts and feelings to navigate.
You might feel like your attachment style is a problem that you need to “fix” before you’re able to find love, but this isn’t the case.
Still, lowing the amount of anxiety you feel in relationships will help dating feel more manageable and make you feel better.
1. Become an Expert at Self-Awareness
When you have an anxious attachment style, one of your strengths is how aware you are of the needs of other people.
If something is even slightly off with your partner, you’ll be able to tell.
While this can be an asset, it can also mean that you can find yourself having big reactions to issues that are relatively small in the grand scheme of things.
Directing this awareness back toward yourself can help you become highly tuned into your own needs.
Watch out for moments when you find yourself:
- Worrying about the relationship
- Trying to be as physically and emotionally close to your partner as possible
- Blaming or guilt-tripping your partner when you’re worried things aren’t working out
- Feeling a lot of anger toward your partner or toward yourself when something difficult happens
These can all be anxious attachment responses. When you find yourself in these moments, take a step back and think about what’s really bothering you.
This is a great time to work on tip number 2.
2. Practice Open Communication
Learning to recognize moments when you’d rather respond in a different way opens up an opportunity for you to practise open communication.
If you’re struggling with communication, try out the Parking Lot method.
When a conversation becomes overwhelming:
- Step back and put a pause on the conversation
- Decide on an alternative time to continue the discussion
- Take some time to think about the things your partner said and write down any feelings you’d like to share with them
- Talk to your partner about the tension you both felt during the conversation and make sure you’re both still feeling okay
3. Build a Supportive Network Outside of Your Relationship
Building a reciprocal, uplifting relationship is important. It’s normal and healthy to depend on your partner - but you don’t want them to be the only person you can rely on.
Your platonic friendships hold a lot of value and it’s important to nurture them.
Friendships can help you learn about:
- Setting boundaries
- Clear communication
- Supportive relationships
- Supporting other people
Your friendships can set an example of how you deserve to be loved, and having a strong network of friends can be a nice reminder of just how many people in your life care about you.
Spending time with friend can also take some of the pressure off your partner to be your main form of support.
Explore two more tips by reading How to Date with an Anxious Attachment Style.
Dating Tips for an Avoidant Attachment Style
When you have an avoidant attachment style, you might be the kind of person who prefers to keep your emotions to yourself.
It can feel safer to hide your feeling than to express them - especially if you’re not sure how they’ll be received.
There are stereotypes that people with an avoidant attachment style are cold and unfeeling, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
You probably have intense and deep emotions, but just don’t always feel comfortable putting them on display.
Try these three dating tips:
1. Get clear about what you want
It’s important to get clear about what you want and need in a relationship, even if it’s not what you think you’re “supposed” to want.
What do you value most? Do you want someone independent? Are you looking for someone confident?
You deserve to have a relationship with someone who understands you and who can live your life together the way you want to. This means setting clear expectations from the beginning.
2. Express your needs
Once you understand what your needs are, you need to start communicating them.
If you’re looking for a casual relationship, don’t start dating someone who wants to get engaged as soon as possible (or vise versa!)
3. Open up to a friend first
An avoidant attachment style can make emotional vulnerability feel tough.
Practicing sharing your thoughts, feelings, and emotions with other people can make it easier to share with a romantic partner in the moment.
Opening up to a friend, family member, or therapist can be a great way to practice emotional vulnerability.
For a more in-depth explanation, read How to Date with an Avoidant Attachment Style.
Next Steps for Building Successful Relationships
After reading this article, you know how to set yourself up for success in relationships.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re here if you ever need some extra support. Our passionate therapists are here to examine your patterns in relationships and create a customized plan based on your needs and goals.
Register online or book your appointment to get started today.
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