The Importance Of Setting Boundaries (And How To Start!)
As a psychotherapist, I see many people on my therapy couch each day.
You’d be amazed at how many people come to ask “How can I get this person to stop ________ (being late, criticizing me, borrowing money, etc.).”
They’re frustrated with the people in their lives overstepping their boundaries. It’s very common to have pushy relatives, family members, friends, or even partners who don’t understand what boundaries are and take advantage of the good situation they have being in a relationship with you.
Boundaries are important because they help us to feel safe in our relationships. Good boundaries keep us happy in those relationships, and maintain the balance so that we’re not the one bending over backwards all the time.
So, how do we get the people in our lives to start respecting our boundaries?
a) Just Say “No”:
This might be the hardest thing of all to conceive, but boundaries start by knowing yourself well enough to know when you just can’t (or don’t want to) do something. Saying no will be hard, especially if the person isn’t used to hearing us say it.
b) Confront a Person who Pushes your Boundaries:
This is for the friend that constantly shows up late, the mother-in-law who never has anything nice to say, and the like. In order to start establishing healthy boundaries for you, it’s important to sit them down and have a conversation about how this particular behaviour isn’t working for you.
c) Be Honest:
The more you can articulate how you feel, the more likely the other person is to understand your side of the story.
d) Feel Great with Small Victories:
When you have done something that emphasizes your newfound backbone, celebrate this. You’ve begun the boundary-setting process.
e) Be Prepared to Let a Friendship Go:
Above all else, during your process of self-empowerment, there will be at least one person in your life who doesn’t like the ‘new you’. They will be upset that you’re standing up for yourself and that they can’t take advantage of you anymore. It’s important to be able to walk away from these relationships, because they no longer serve you.
