Committing To Cognitive Change
Committing to change is always the most difficult part of changing the way we live.
In my private practice, I find that many of my clients expect changing their thoughts to be a breeze, and often don't initially know how much work it actually is until they try it!
The truth is, making your thoughts more healthy and positive can indeed be simple (and effective!), but we have to be organized and stay on track. Here, we can do this together. The next step is about how we can actually implement patterns that create change into our everyday lives.
It takes a minimum of 30 days to truly change pathways in the brain.
This means that we need to be dedicated, motivated, and persistent when it comes to implementing positive and healthy thoughts into our minds.
The nest step in our journey of changing your cognitions is:
Take the exercise that we completed together last week. Isolate the section called "Cognitions." "Cognitions" are the mental processes of knowing, including awareness, perception, reasoning, and judgment.
At this point, they should look like this:
Cognitions:
- If I say no to something, others will think I'm selfish
- If I say no to somebody, they will get mad and never talk to me again
- If I continue saying no, I will end up alone- If I say no, I could end up lonely, isolated, and miserable
Take a good look at these thoughts. Do they really sound reasonable to you? Probably not. You likely don't even realize you're thinking them, and they often hold you back from behaving in the way you want.
Your job this week is to create a list of healthy, positive thoughts to counter the negative ones. Write one or two sentences for each cognition.
Here is what a good set of new healthy thoughts look like:
Cognitions:
- If I say no to something, others might think I'm selfish, but this is unlikely. I will know in my heart that I said no because I needed the time and space to myself.
- If I say no to somebody, they might get mad and never talk to me again, but if that happens, they're probably not a very good friend anyway.
- If I continue saying no, I probably won't end up alone. What is more likely to happen is that people will have more respect for me and stop asking me for favours all the time.
- I will never end up lonely, isolated, and miserable because that just isn't me! I am a sociable person who has good relationships and friendships.
Notice that these new thoughts aren't just overwhelmingly positive. They are realistic, which makes them that mush more likely to sink in over time.
Your second job for this week is to start repeating the new thoughts on a regular basis. Post them somewhere you visit often: Your bathroom mirror, your fridge, your computer desktop, or your smartphone. Repeat them at least twice a day for the next week.
