How to Earn a Secure Attachment Style
You know the kind of relationship you want to have.
You want to feel safe and secure, you want to communicate well with your partner, and you want to have fun together.
The only problem is that you’re not sure how to find the healthy relationship you want.
Even if your current partner is amazing, you find yourself doubting whether it will work out long term.
Here at KMA Therapy, we know you deserve that supportive relationship you’re searching for - and after 14 years of experience, we know how to help you find it.
After reading this article, you’ll know three ways to set yourself up for success in relationships and develop a more secure attachment style.
3 Ways to Earn a Healthy Attachment Style
If you’ve been reading a lot of articles about attachment styles, you’ve probably heard of the term “earning” a healthy attachment.
This might sound confusing or difficult, but earning a secure attachment style simply means you develop a secure attachment as an adult rather than already having one from childhood.
Here are three ways you can start earning a secure attachment style, that go beyond simply telling you to date someone secure.
1. The Starbucks Method
Number one is the Starbucks Method. A lot of people can get a bad reputation for having really long and complex Starbucks orders.
But when you have a specific order, you get exactly what you want.
Other people can't read your mind and relationships so stop expecting them to communicate your needs clearly.
Asking for what you want is the best way to get it.
2. The Wish List
Number two is The Wish List - and it can be a lot of fun.
You're going to create a list of ten of your favourite relationships of all time.
These example relationships can be:
- Really close friendships that you have in real life
- Relationships you really love on TV shows
- Or even a relationship you have with a pet
Write down what you love about these relationships, and most importantly, what makes you feel safe.
This is not only a great way to remember how many relationships you already have in your life, but it can really be a fun way to think of all the new things that you want in future relationships.
3. The Rihanna Method
Number three the Rihanna Method.
You’ve probably seen one of Rihanna's most iconic red carpet moments, where an interviewer asks Rihanna what she does on the days where she doesn’t feel that confident or fearless.
Rihanna simply says she “pretends.” Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it.
When you're first learning to have secure attachment behaviours. It can honestly feel really unnatural at first, like it can be really hard to only send your partner one text when you really want to send them fifteen until they answer you. But over time, it will start feeling more natural.
Next Steps for Secure Attachment
After reading this article, you know three new methods to help you earn a secure attachment style.
The relationship therapists at KMA Therapy are here if you ever feel like you need some extra support.
Book an appointment today or reach out to us with any questions you have about the relationship therapy process.
If you’re not yet ready to book, check out these articles to keep learning:
- Can Relationship Counselling Help if I’m Single?
- What Causes Trust Issues - and How to Overcome Them
- How Does Your Attachment Style Affect Your Relationships?
