How To Influence Others

We connect with people every single day. Regardless of our job types, we communicate and negotiate with others constantly.

To influence means to affect someone’s character, behavior or perceptions. And it’s a powerful thing because to influence someone is actually a life-altering, perception changing experience.

I am asked quite often – what’s the secret to successfully influencing my employees, or my colleague, or my boss? Well, it starts with being mindful of what you are saying and how you are saying it.

Influence enablers – theoretical perspective

There are a few interesting influence theories out there and I want to introduce them to you.

Having coined six influential tactics, Robert Cialdini believes we have the power to be moved in both conscious and subconscious ways.

• Social Proof: People behave in ways that are similar to others who are like them.
• Reciprocity: Obligates people to do for others what others have done for them first.
• Consistency: Causes people to act in line with previous commitments even if demands escalate.
• Authority: People defer to those with expertise and credibility to guide their decisions.
• Liking: People are influenced more by those they like and who like them.
• Scarcity: Opportunities appear more valuable when they appear less available.

Taking it a step back – and I mean way back to 4th century BC – Aristotle deemed a communicator influential insofar as one or all of the following were considered:

• Ethos – the communicator will appeal to their own credibility.
• Pathos – the communicator will appeal to audience emotions.
• Logos – the communicator will appeal to the cold hard facts.

Influencing others isn’t about theory, it’s about mindfulness

Bringing it back to modern day workplaces then, the question becomes: What is the most effective way to influence someone?  I mean, who has time to remember theoretical concepts? What’s a leader to do?To help others adopt your point of view, buy into your important project, jump on the bandwagon to deliver a strong quarter, what is it that you have to say and do to guide a change in attitude or performance?Here are a few tips I both recommend and practice daily – and don’t worry. It’s all quite simple and easy to apply. You just have to be mindful.

‍Listen: What do people know about the state you are in currently. Are people aware of where they need to go? Do they align? Are they engaged? You want to take a pulse and understand the true picture.

‍Take away: To listen is to influence. You have to first understand what your audience is thinking or feeling before you can have them be open to your messages.

‍Clarify: Your goals and your priorities might be crystal clear to you, however, remember to be mindful that the same may not be true for your audience.  Succinctly present your information in easily digestible chunks. Change is a hard process – make it easier for people with simple messages.

‍Take away: To clarify is to influence. You have to be as simple as possible when communicating because it takes hard work to wrap head around a new concept or message.

‍Recap: People have to hear a message seven times before they “get it”.  I’ve worked with people who have felt that a simple email will suffice. No. People don’t read emails with a clear mind during times of change. What’s needed is a comprehensive communication plan that allows for consistent and frequent message reminders.

‍Take away: To recap is to influence. The more people hear of something the greater the likelihood they will stop, reflect, consider and act. When a message becomes part of everyday conversation there is a reason for it. It’s important. People pay attention to this. As a leader, continue to share your message as often as possible.

‍Make it about them: Connecting with others is never about the speaker (even though it really is – you have a message to get out there, right?).  You guessed it. It’s about the audience. Show your audience how they will benefit from your news, how the new change will make their lives easier, and so on and so forth.

‍Take away: To influence means to serve the needs of your audience. You may have an intended end goal, but, be the leader who helps people connect the dots and realize that hey, you are looking out for their best interests and are answering the “why”.  

In the end, influencing others starts with you

Communication is about people and when we, as leaders, need to connect with others we have to make it about them. To influence is to be simple, clear, consistent and unselfish when communicating.

Are some leaders more successful than others when communicating to influence? I think yes. Does it mean others can’t be? No, because we all have the ability to be influential – in other words, to help guide others in seeing something in a new light.

All it takes is mindfulness and persistence to make communication about people.