This TikTok Hack for People-Pleasers Will Help You Say "No"
You come home exhausted after a long day, and you’re ready to slip into sweatpants and spend the night with your favourite Netflix show.
Just as you hear the familiar “tu-dum” of Netflix opening up, you also hear a familiar “ping” - your friend is texting you with an invitation to come out with them.
You don’t want to go, but you really don’t want to disappoint anyone. You type out a “yes” with a sinking feeling in your gut, preparing to force yourself through a night you don’t want to attend.
Here at KMA Therapy, we know it can feel hard to put yourself first without feeling guilty. We’re passionate about equipping you with the tools you need to prioritize yourself.
After watching this video, you’ll have a fun new way to stop people-pleasing - and a list of reasons why you might feel obligated to people-please in the first place.
Why Do I “People-Please?”
People-pleasing often gets a bad reputation - but it isn’t always a bad thing.
Being empathetic and caring are great qualities to have, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to help out the people you care about.
But people-pleasing becomes an issue when you start fulfilling others’ needs at the expense of your own - you’ll say yes to anyone, even if you desperately want to say no.
Reasons for people-pleasing include:
- Genuinely wanting to help others
- Prioritizing other peoples’ needs
- Fear or avoidance of conflict
- Fear of rejection
- Guilt or shame
- Perfectionism
- Anxiety
Learning how to set boundaries and identify when it’s better to say “no” can be helpful if you struggle with people-pleasing - and this TikTok tip can help you out.
TikTok Hack for People-Pleasing
If you’ve been struggling with people-pleasing, try out the What If method from the TikTok below.
Don’t feel like watching? Check out this summary instead:
Are You a People-Pleaser?
If you’re a people-pleaser, you probably make your friends and family the center of your whole world.
This can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be really hard for you to say no and set the kind of boundaries you need to really have a healthier relationship with yourself and the people around you.
The “What If” Method for People-Pleasing
The “What If” method can help you learn when to say “no.”
Whenever you have to make a hard decision where you might have to say “no” to someone or put yourself first, you're going to ask yourself, “What would happen if I did this?”
Let's say your friend is asking you to pick them up from the airport. Usually, you'd say yes without hesitation. You've picked them up from the airport before and you're happy to do it again.
But this time, it would be in the middle of a date you just scheduled with someone you really like.
Pause for a second and ask yourself what would happen if you said yes, and what would happen if you said no.
If you say yes to picking up this friend from the airport, great. You get to help out a friend. But you have to cancel a date and you might not be able to reschedule it. You're setting an example for yourself that your friends’ needs are way more important than your own.
If you say no, maybe your friend takes a taxi from the airport or they can ask someone else to pick them up. But they'll understand that you want to have this date with someone you really like. Plus, you're teaching yourself that you're still going to have amazing friendships even if you don't do what you think the perfect friend would do every single time.
Next Steps for Dealing with People-Pleasing
After reading this article, you know common reasons for people-pleasing and a new strategy to help you prioritize yourself.
Here at KMA Therapy, we know how frustrating it can be to try new strategies to improve your life - only to find that none of them are working. Sometimes, speaking to a therapist can be a great way to get an outside opinion.
Your therapist will be able to help you explore what’s causing the behaviours you’d like to change and will have fresh ideas on how to overcome them.
If you’re interested in exploring therapy, fill out our registration form - our caring team will reach out to you to explore next steps.
Have a specific therapy question? Ask our team!
To keep learning, check out these related articles we’ve chosen for you:
- 10 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser - and How to Stop
- 8 Signs You Might be a Perfectionist
- 5 Ways to Build Self-Compassion
