How To Handle Family Over The Holidays
As a psychotherapist and relationship counselor, December and January are my busiest months of the year.
This might not come as a shock to you – families, couples, and new relationships are all challenged during these festive months.
Aunt Myrtle is asking why you’re not in a new relationship yet. If you are in a new relationship, how do you integrate your new partner into your (slightly embarrassing) family events? In addition to your relationship status, the holidays bring out old family dynamics that we sometimes would rather ignore.
Here is my best set of tips on how to deal with your family over the holidays:
1. Set correct expectations with yourself (and with your partner).
Visualize how the event will go over in your mind before the actual date. If you anticipate tension in a particular area, think about how you’d like it to go. In addition, it’s important to accept that it might happen exactly your way. If you have a partner, talk to them about exactly what each of you needs/expects out of the holidays. If you have a new partner, inform your family of anything important they need to know about your partner to avoid any embarrassing moments (ie: They’re recovering, they are of a different religion, etc).
2. Review your personal boundaries.
Oftentimes, we regret not standing up for ourselves with family members. It’s important that we practice empowering ourselves all year round by developing a backbone. If someone has not met your expectations in your life, stand up for yourself and tell them what you need to make you happy. Sure, they might be upset at first – after all, they’ve pushed you around all this time and now they’re not getting away with it! This ability will come in very handy when you come across pushy, nosy, or no-sense-of-personal-boundaries relatives.
3. Practice your responses.
This might sound like a bit much, but can help you feel confident and secure walking into any holiday party. If you’re concerned about relatives inquiring if you’re dating, practice the response, “Yes, I’m dating, but I haven’t met anyone worthy of bringing here just yet.”
4. Overall, relax.
Remember that it’s just a few days and after the holidays, things will return to normal.
