Staying Safe While Online Dating: 3 Lessons from Reesa Teesa’s “Who TF Did I Marry” Series
When you download a dating app, you’re hopeful it could help you find true love - but in the back of your mind, you’re worried about all the dating horror stories you’ve heard. You don’t want to be next.
Reesa Teesa’s “Who TF Did I Marry” series has explored one of the most chaotic online dating stories yet - and offers some valuable lessons about what can happen after you swipe right.
Here at KMA Therapy, we know that modern dating often involves dating apps and online websites. You want to know how to use them to find a meaningful relationship - and stay safe while doing it.
We’re here to equip you with the information and tools you need to set yourself up for success while dating and connect you with relationship experts to guide you.
After reading this article, you’ll know the details of TikTok’s most infamous dating story - and three online dating lessons to learn from it, explained by dating and relationship expert Kimberly Moffit.
Content advisory: The following section of the article briefly mentions miscarriage.
Who TF Did I Marry: Who is Reesa Teesa?
Reesa Teesa created the viral TikTok series she calls “Who TF Did I Marry,” an 8-hour long collection of videos outlining how she “met, dated, married, and divorced a pathological liar.”
Teesa describes her ex-partner, whom she refers to as “Legion,” as a master manipulator who lied about almost every aspect of their relationship.
She explains how the relationship started out well - the pair met through online dating and quickly decided to move in together. Legion was happy to take care of a lot of the finances, planning elaborate trips and purchasing luxury cars for Teesa.
Soon, though, things became suspicious. Purchases began to fall through and Legion started to grow distant from Teesa.
Still, Teesa continued the relationship and the couple soon got married. Teesa soon became pregnant, but a miscarriage left her feeling even more dependent on her new husband. (Later, Teesa would discover that Legion had impersonated his assistant to avoid coming to the hospital with her during her miscarriage.)
Ultimately, Teesa followed her suspicions and discovered that Legion had a criminal record - he had pled guilty to charges of impersonating a police officer and had a warrant for violating his probation.
Their six months of marriage ended in divorce, leaving Teesa with more questions than answers and the realization that most of her relationship had been a lie.
The Dangers of Online Dating
While most online dating horror stories are less extreme than Reesa Teesa’s, the dangers of online dating are more common than you might think.
A study of US adults found that 38% of online dating users have received unwanted sexually explicit messages or photos and 30% have continued to be contacted after they said they were no longer interested.
(These statistics become even more alarming when broken down by gender - over half of women under 50 who use dating apps have received sexually explicit messages and over ten percent have even been threatened with physical harm.)
While these statistics are important to know, they aren’t to say that all online dating is bad. A recent Forbes Health survey found that 45% of respondents met their current partner through online dating - making it the most popular way respondents found a romantic relationship.
While online dating can be dangerous, there are ways to do it safely.
3 Ways to Stay Safe While Online Dating
While Reesa Teesa’s story only explores one side of her relationship, there are many lessons to be learned from her experience.
Dating and relationship expert Kimberly Moffit offers three key tips to help you stay safe while meeting your future partner.
1. Don’t ignore the red flags
“When it comes to romance, we are so excited to meet the love of our life,” explains Kimberly. “Meeting someone in today's day and age is hard enough, and when we find someone that has a few qualities that we really want, our emotions start to get elevated. We get excited.”
This excitement makes it easy for you to ignore the red flags in a relationship and focus on the things you really like about the other person. Still, it’s important to trust your gut and refuse to overlook things that just don’t make sense.
If you catch your new love interest in a lie on multiple occasions or they offer explanations that just don’t add up, it might be best to cut things off before they become too serious.
2. Be aware of common scams
When hearing stories of other people falling for online scams, it’s easy to believe that it could never happen to you. But dating scams are so popular because people do fall for them - and they’re often a lot more subtle than you’d think.
“People can scam you out of your time and people can scam you out of your money,” shares Kimberly.
A common way people scam you out of your money? Travel expenses.
Online dating opens up a world of connection, and with many apps offering you a “Travel Mode” that lets you connect with people across the globe, it’s important to stay diligent. You don’t want your international love affair to turn into an embarrassing cautionary tale.
If someone desperately wants to see you but just doesn’t have the funds, this should raise alarm bells.
“You really hit it off, and this person says, ‘Oh, I really need some money so I can book a flight to come see you,’” warns Kimberly. “You send them the money, and then surprise, they never come.”
Any story that involves you sending them a large sum of money - whether they suddenly have an ill family member who needs your money to save their life or you’re the only person who can bail them out of a sticky situation - is a huge cause for concern.
3. Do your research
When online dating, look for people who have verified their profile to make sure that you’re actually talking to the person displayed in their pictures. It’s also a good idea to connect with profiles that are fully completed with photos and prompts.
Dating apps are designed to be as safe as possible, so take advantage of the features they offer and don’t be in a rush to get off of them.
“It's really important to actually stay on the app until you're comfortable going off the app,” explains Kimberly. “A dating scammer is going to try to get you off the app as soon as possible because they want to love bomb you and they don't want the app to flag them.”
Built-in features like video calling and sending photos can help you connect with someone on a deeper level before giving them any more of your personal information. After you feel confident enough to exchange phone numbers, use this information to your advantage.
“Once you've exchanged numbers, you're gonna want to Google that number,” shares Kimberly. “Where's the area code? Is it consistent with the things that they told you about who they are? Do any names come up? You want to be really hyper aware of these things, and if anything doesn't seem quite right, ask about it.”
Next Steps for Successful Relationships
After reading this article, you know three tips to help you stay safe while online dating.
Here at KMA Therapy, we know you want to feel safe, confident, and comfortable in your relationships. Our talented relationship therapists have helped our clients find, build, and keep fulfilling relationships for over 15 years.
Register online to learn more from our team or download our free Therapy 101 Guide to explore how therapy could work for you.
If you’d prefer to keep reading, check out these articles:
- Can Relationship Counselling Help if I’m Single?
- How to Have a Real-Life Meet Cute: 5 Tips from a Relationship Expert
- The Pros and Cons of Situationships: Ultimate Insights from a Relationship Expert
About the Author
Emily Weatherhead has a Masters in Community Psychology from Wilfrid Laurier University, where her research focused on improving post-secondary student mental health. She is passionate about finding new ways to make mental health research more accessible and break down the barriers that prevent people from receiving mental health care.
