Should Everyone Be Forgiven? 10 Tips from Forgiveness Therapy!
Forgiveness—it’s complicated, right? One moment, you’re convinced you’re over it, and the next, a random memory sends you spiraling. It’s not just about “letting go” or “moving on.” Forgiveness is deeply personal, messy, and yes, even a little uncomfortable. But here’s the good news: it’s also powerful.
Therapy shows us that forgiveness isn’t just about the other person—it’s about you. It’s about reclaiming your emotional freedom and lightening the load of resentment. Through forgiveness therapy, you learn that forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re excusing bad behavior. Instead, it’s a tool to help you find peace, even if you never get the apology you deserve.
If you’re navigating these struggles, we at KMA Therapy are here for you. Based in Toronto, our therapists specialize in helping individuals find closure, set boundaries, and prioritize mental health. Whether it’s forgiving others, forgiving yourself, or even choosing not to forgive, our goal is to help you protect your peace.
Let’s get started.
What Forgiveness Really Means: It’s Not About Forgetting
Forgiveness isn’t about hitting the reset button. It’s not pretending the hurt didn’t happen or brushing it under the rug. Let’s be real—forgetting isn’t even an option. Forgiveness is about acknowledging the pain, learning from it, and deciding not to let it control your future.
Therapists often say forgiveness is more for you than for them. Carrying anger and resentment feels like dragging a heavy suitcase through life. When you forgive, you’re not excusing what happened—you’re putting that suitcase down. You’re freeing yourself from the emotional weight.
At KMA Therapy, we see forgiveness as an act of self-care. It’s not about erasing the past; it’s about reclaiming your present. By letting go, you’re choosing your peace over their wrongdoing. And that’s a choice worth celebrating.
10 Therapy-Inspired Tips to Make Forgiveness Easier
1. Start Small—Really Small 🐾
You don’t have to start with life-altering betrayals. Focus on smaller annoyances, like forgiving a friend for showing up late or someone cutting in line. Tackling minor situations builds your forgiveness “muscle,” making it easier to handle bigger emotional wounds down the line. Baby steps still count, and they get you closer to peace. Think of it like training for a marathon—you wouldn’t start with 26 miles, so why start with the biggest hurt?
2. Feel the Feelings 💧
Bottling up emotions? Hard pass. Acknowledge every ounce of anger, sadness, or disappointment. Scream into a pillow, write it out, or let the tears flow. Emotional honesty clears the way for forgiveness. Ignoring those feelings only makes them louder. Give yourself permission to process the hurt, no matter how messy it feels. Think of it as letting the storm pass so the skies can clear—you can’t rush it.
3. Understand the Why 🤔
Sometimes, understanding the other person’s motives helps. Did they act out of fear, insecurity, or lack of awareness? Understanding doesn’t excuse their actions, but it can help you take it less personally. It shifts your mindset from “They did this to me” to “This is about their issues, not mine.” This shift can be empowering, reminding you that their behavior says more about them than it does about you.
4. Write It Out ✍️
Grab a notebook or even a napkin—whatever works. Write a letter to the person who hurt you, spilling every detail you’ve been holding inside. Then, safely destroy it. Burn it, shred it, or toss it. This ritual symbolizes letting go and reminds you that this process is for you, not them. Think of it as clearing mental clutter—letting go of the emotional weight that’s been holding you back.
5. Don’t Force It ⏳
Forgiveness isn’t a race. Sometimes it takes weeks; other times, it takes years. That’s okay. Pushing yourself to forgive before you’re ready feels fake—and it probably won’t stick. Be patient with yourself. The timeline doesn’t matter; what matters is that it’s genuine when you get there. Healing is a journey, not a destination, so allow yourself the time to walk at your own pace.
6. Set Boundaries 🚧
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean letting them hurt you again. Protect your peace by setting firm boundaries. Whether it’s limiting contact or saying no to certain behaviors, boundaries are your best friend. They’re not about punishment; they’re about creating a space where you can heal and feel safe. Boundaries remind people that forgiveness doesn’t equal access—and that’s a powerful message.
7. Reframe the Narrative 📖
Instead of replaying the hurt, ask yourself: What did I learn? Maybe you became stronger, smarter, or better at recognizing toxic behaviors. Focusing on personal growth won’t erase the pain, but it can shift the power dynamic. You’ve grown despite the hurt—and that’s worth celebrating. Think of it as rewriting the story—you’re no longer the victim but the person who grew through the challenge.
8. Forgive Yourself First 🪞
Sometimes, the hardest person to forgive is staring back at you in the mirror. Maybe you ignored red flags, said the wrong thing, or stayed too long. It’s okay. We all mess up. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Self-forgiveness sets the tone for forgiving others. Remember, you deserve the same grace and patience you extend to everyone else.
9. Lean on Someone You Trust 🤝
Forgiveness can feel like a heavy lift on your own. Talk it out with someone who has your back—a friend, a therapist, or even your pet. Processing your feelings aloud makes them feel less overwhelming. Plus, a supportive voice can remind you you’re not alone in this journey. Sometimes, just hearing the words “I get it” can be the first step toward healing.
10. Remember: It’s for You 🎁
Forgiveness is your gift to yourself. It’s not about letting someone “off the hook” or giving them a free pass. It’s about releasing the emotional baggage that’s holding you back. When it feels hard, remember: forgiveness isn’t for them—it’s for you to feel lighter and freer. Think of it as cutting ties with the weight that’s been dragging you down.
Why Forgiving Yourself Is the Hardest (And Most Important) Step
When we think about forgiveness, we often focus on others—but forgiving yourself is just as vital, if not more so. It’s easy to blame yourself for staying in a toxic relationship, trusting the wrong person, or making mistakes that hurt others. That blame can quickly turn into shame, which weighs heavy on your heart.
The truth is, self-forgiveness is tough because we’re often our harshest critics. We at KMA Therapy see this all the time—clients holding onto guilt, replaying their mistakes like a bad movie. Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean denying responsibility; it means accepting that you’re human. Therapy can help you break the cycle of self-blame and replace it with self-compassion.
Imagine speaking to yourself as you would to a close friend—kindly, without judgment. Learning to forgive yourself isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about giving yourself permission to grow from it. That growth becomes the foundation for forgiving others and finding lasting peace.
When Forgiveness Isn’t the Answer (And That’s Okay)
Let’s get real: not every hurt can be forgiven—and that’s perfectly fine. Forgiveness isn’t some mandatory step to healing; it’s a personal choice. If someone caused deep, lasting harm, you don’t owe them anything. Not your time, not your understanding, and definitely not your forgiveness. Sometimes, holding onto your boundaries is the best way forward.
Choosing not to forgive doesn’t mean you’re stuck in anger forever. You can let go of the emotional pain while still keeping your guard up. Moving on doesn’t require granting someone a free pass for their actions. Protecting yourself can be just as healing as forgiveness—if not more so. Letting go is about your peace, not their redemption.
The Role of Empathy in Forgiveness
Empathy is like the secret sauce of forgiveness—it doesn’t make the pain vanish, but it does shift your perspective. Understanding why someone acted the way they did can make their actions feel less personal, even if they were hurtful. It’s not about excusing bad behavior but seeing the situation through a wider lens.
For example, someone’s harsh words might stem from their own unresolved trauma or stress, not because of anything you did. Empathy helps you see that their actions often reflect their struggles, not your worth. At KMA Therapy, we encourage clients to explore these layers—not to minimize their hurt but to free themselves from unnecessary blame.
That said, empathy isn’t a requirement for forgiveness, especially in cases of severe harm. It’s simply a tool you can use if it feels right for you. By developing empathy for others, you might find it easier to let go of resentment and move toward a healthier emotional state.
Ready to Work on Forgiveness? We’re Here for You
Forgiveness is deeply personal, but it doesn’t have to be lonely. Sometimes, the weight of resentment and pain feels too heavy to carry alone—and that’s where therapy steps in. A good therapist helps you untangle your emotions, explore what forgiveness means to you, and decide how (or if) you want to move forward.
At KMA Therapy, we believe there’s no “right” way to forgive—just the way that works for you. Whether you prefer one-on-one sessions, group therapy, or even guided workshops, we’re here to support you. Together, we’ll help you work through the tough stuff and find a way to reclaim your peace.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but you don’t have to navigate it by yourself. Let us help you on your journey toward clarity, boundaries, and maybe even forgiveness. Reach out when you’re ready—we’ll be here.
FAQs: Answering Common Questions About Forgiveness
1. Do I have to forgive someone to heal?
Not at all. Healing and forgiveness aren’t the same thing. You can let go of the pain and find peace without offering forgiveness. Healing is about releasing the hurt for your sake, not about reconciling with the person who caused it.
2. What if I forgive someone, but they hurt me again?
This is where boundaries come into play. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to give them endless chances to hurt you. Protecting your peace is essential. Set limits on what you will and won’t accept moving forward. Forgiveness and self-respect can coexist.
3. Can I forgive someone who hasn’t apologized?
Yes! Forgiveness is for you, not them. Waiting for an apology might keep you stuck in the pain. Deciding to forgive without their acknowledgment allows you to reclaim your emotional freedom and move forward on your terms.
4. Is it okay to never forgive someone?
Absolutely. Forgiveness is deeply personal, and not forgiving is a valid choice. If it doesn’t feel right or aligns better with your healing, that’s okay. Your mental health and boundaries matter more than meeting someone else’s expectations.
5. How do I know if I’m ready to forgive?
You’ll know you’re ready when the idea of forgiving feels like it might bring relief, not pressure. If thinking about forgiveness still feels too raw or forced, give yourself more time. There’s no deadline. Forgiveness should feel like a choice, not an obligation, and it’s okay to take things at your own pace.
The Forgiveness Wrap-Up: It’s About Your Peace
Forgiveness isn’t about erasing the past or excusing someone’s actions—it’s about reclaiming your emotional freedom. Whether you choose to forgive or not, it’s your call, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. At KMA Therapy, we believe your peace is what matters most, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.
Therapists like Elizabeth Beiderman, M.Ed, RP and Liana Danese, MA, RP specialize in helping clients work through complex emotions like grief, trauma, and resentment. Elizabeth brings a warm, empathetic approach and a wealth of expertise in helping people navigate life’s toughest challenges. Liana uses a compassionate, skills-based approach rooted in therapies like CBT and EMDR to guide clients toward healing and self-discovery.
We’re also offering 15-minute free discovery calls to help you get started. It’s an easy way to explore your therapy options with no pressure. Book your free call here and take the first step toward finding peace. We’re ready when you are.
