What Causes Low Sexual Desire? Insights from a Sex Therapist
It’s normal for your sexual desire to fluctuate - but if it’s been lower than you want it to be for a long time, it’s easy to become frustrated, confused, and overwhelmed.
Here at KMA Therapy, we know you want to learn from the best. For over 15 years, we’ve collected a wealth of information from experts on our team and in our community.
After reading this article, you’ll know what sexual desire is, what causes low sexual desire, and questions to explore your sexual desire from sex therapist Kat Kova.
What is Sexual Desire?
Sexual desire refers to the frequency with which you desire sexual activity or pleasure with someone else.
You might think your desire is really high or low depending on how often you and your partner have or initiate sexual activity - but this definition leaves out one of the most important factors: context.
“Consider that in an abusive relationship, the frequency of sex may actually be quite high, either coerced or done as an act to prevent a bad situation from getting worse,” shares sex therapist Kat Kova. “The actual desire for sex may be extremely low or non-existent.”
How Therapy Can Help You Understand Your Sexual Desire
Working with a therapist might help you explore why you are experiencing low sexual desire by asking some of the following questions.
Questions to explore low sexual desire include:
- Are your emotional needs being met?
- Do you have any underlying beliefs that sex is dirty, shameful, or bad?
- Is your partner doing something to make you feel unsafe or disrespected?
- Are you worried about other factors like privacy, pregnancy, or sexually transmitted infections?
- Does the type of sex you’re receiving from your partner differ from the kind of sex you’d like to be having?
When exploring your answers to these questions, it can be helpful to explore environmental factors that may be impacting your level of sexual desire.
Is Low Sexual Desire a Bad Thing?
No, there’s nothing wrong with having “low” sexual desire.
“If you’re just not that into sex, maybe seeking companionship with someone similarly not that into sex may be an attractive option,” shares Kat Kova. “Consider for whom your low sexual desire is actually a problem.”
If you’re comfortable with the amount of sexual activity you’re having, then that’s great! But if you’ve come to view your felt sense of desire as a problem, it can be helpful to speak to a therapist.
How Can Speaking to a Sex Therapist Help with Low Sexual Desire?
A sex therapist can help you understand what’s causing your low sexual desire, learn what your ideal level of sexual desire is, and work toward achieving your goals in the therapy process.
“Are there any beliefs…that are preventing you from connecting to your own sexuality or exploring yourself as a sexual being?” asks Kat Kova.
Working with a therapist can help you explore where these beliefs came from, whether they’re serving you, and help you choose what you’d like to believe instead.
When exploring sexual desire, your sex therapist may discuss:
- Growing up and puberty
- Previous partnerships
- Current relationships
- Attachment styles
- Personal values
- Past traumas
They can use a wide range of therapy techniques to help you feel happy and confident about your level of sexual desire.
Next Steps for Beginning Sex Therapy
After reading this article, you know what low sexual desire is and how speaking to a sex therapist can help.
Here at KMA Therapy, our experienced team of therapists is here to help. For over 15 years, we’ve helped our clients get the outcomes they desire and lead healthier, more fulfilling lives.
Register online to get started on your therapy journey, or explore our Sex Therapy page for more information.
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