How to Navigate a Situationship
You’ve been seeing someone for a few weeks, and it’s going really well.
You have amazing dates, you’ve met each other’s friends, and you argue over who says “goodbye” last at the end of every phone call.
Eventually, you muster up the courage to ask them the dreaded question: What are we?
It turns out they’re not actually sure, and now you’re questioning everything.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re relationship experts. We know that romantic relationships can be complex and confusing, especially in this day and age. We’re here to help you learn the ins and outs of dating - including the most complex situationships.
After reading this article, you’ll know four ways to navigate a situationship and find the love you want.
What is a Situationship?
A situationship is often seen as something that’s more than a friendship, but less than a relationship. You might act like a couple without officially having the label.
It often (but not always) involves sexual intimacy, which can make it even more confusing when the other person says they just want to be friends.
Situationships are different from a friends-with-benefits relationship because in a situationship, one or both parties are unclear about the expectations and direction of the relationship.
Signs you’re in a situationship include:
- Confusion about what your relationship means to the other person
- Mismatched expectations of where the relationship is headed
- No growth - the relationship doesn’t seem to progress
- A lack of clear communication about labels
- No clear romantic or sexual boundaries
4 Ways to Navigate a Situationship
Navigating a situationship can be hard. Situationships can make you feel on top of the world one minute, and leave you crashing back down to reality the next.
This can be emotionally draining, frustrating, and overwhelming.
A situationship can often feel like heartbreak in slow-motion - you know the end might be coming, but you’re holding on to the hope that you have a future together.
These four tips can help you gain clarity in your situation and figure out what you want to do next.
1. Be honest with yourself
What do you really want out of the relationship, and is it different from what you’re currently getting?
Maybe you thought you were okay with a casual relationship in the beginning, but now you want more.
Maybe you thought you had romantic feelings for this person, but you don’t think you want to go all the way to a full blown relationship.
Get clear on what you want and don’t want in a relationship - you can even write down your deal breakers and see if your situationship is meeting them.
Once you have a clear idea of what you want and need, it can be a lot easier to form an objective perspective of your situationship.
2. Open up communication
After you know what you want, let the other person know.
Be honest about what you like and dislike in your current arrangement, and what you want from the other person going forward.
Be respectful and kind in your communication, but be clear about what you need.
3. Figure out if you’re in alignment
Now’s the time to sit back and listen.
Does the other person want the same things you do? Great! Figure out how you’ll work toward your goals together.
Do they want something different? Ouch. This can hurt, but it’s good to gain clarity on the situation. You might be able to stay friends, or you might decide it’s time to go your separate ways.
It’s okay to grieve this relationship - sometimes it can be harder to get over someone you never dated than it is to end a long-term relationship. Lean on friends and family for support, and don’t judge yourself for your emotions.
4. Re-evaluate
The transition from situationship to relationship (or situation to friendship) can be the most natural thing in the world - or it can be a difficult change to adjust to.
Keep the lines of communication open with the other person - it’s okay if your wants and needs change!
Next Steps to Thrive in Your Relationships
After reading this article, you know four ways to navigate your situationship and get the relationship you really want.
Here at KMA, we’re here to help you thrive in love, life, and relationships.
Register online to begin the process of getting matched with your ideal relationship therapist.
You can also take our Attachment Styles quiz to learn more about what drives you in relationships.
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