What is Dating App Burnout? (& 5 Tips to Overcome It)
You’ve always wanted to meet the love of your life in a bookstore – your hands brush while you reach for the faded same copy of Wuthering Heights as you realize that this is the person you’ve been waiting for your whole life.
But since this hasn’t happened yet, you’ve downloaded one (or more) of the shiny new dating apps your friend is obsessed with.
Unfortunately, you haven’t had the same level of success, and after a few weeks of swiping, you’re ready to throw your phone out the window.
If you’ve ever been humbled by Hinge’s “most compatible” or ghosted by someone you were convinced was your soulmate, there’s a high chance you’ve experienced dating app burnout.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re relationship experts. We know that navigating the modern dating world can be overwhelming and uninspiring. We’re here to help you learn everything you need to have a successful dating life and find the fulfilling relationship you deserve.
After reading this article, you’ll know what dating app burnout is, five things that cause it, and five ways to overcome it.
What is Dating App Burnout?
Dating app burnout is the feeling of exhaustion, frustration, and cynicism that arises from using dating apps for a long period of time.
What starts out as an exciting way to meet new people and put yourself out there can quickly turn into another reason why you’re convinced true love no longer exists.
5 Ways Dating Apps Cause Burnout
Constant swiping can drain your time and energy, but there are a few additional reasons why spending a few minutes on a dating app can feel way more exhausting than spending hours on TikTok.
Here are five ways dating apps can burn you out – and five tips to try instead:
1. Too Many Choices
The great thing about dating apps is that they offer you a ton of options – all you have to do is set your preferences and you receive an endless stream of people who meet your basic criteria.
Instead of meeting a handful of people during a night out, you’re suddenly confronted with hundreds of eligible singles at your fingertips.
This can easily start to feel overwhelming.
Match with too many people, and you find yourself scrambling to reply to everyone asking how your day’s going.
Match with too few, and you begin to wonder if so many people are wrong for you, is the right person even out there?
Try: Limiting the amount of time you spend on dating apps every day. Set yourself a screen-time limit and stick to it to avoid endless swiping, and don’t be afraid to un-match old connections you’re no longer talking to.
2. Unmet Expectations
When you’re basing your opinion of someone off of six photos and a few funny quotes, you begin to fill in the gaps yourself.
The photo they have at a cottage with friends must mean they’re a social butterfly like you. The quote they shared from your favourite tv show has to be a sign that you have the exact same sense of humour.
Someone’s profile can make them seem like your perfect match – until you meet them in person and realize you hate the smell of their cologne and their voice might be the most annoying sound you’ve ever heard.
Starting the whole process over again can begin to feel pointless.
Try: Taking the facts at face value. Liking the same show as someone else might not mean they’re your soulmate, but it can be a great way to open up a conversation.
3. Repetitive Small Talk
There are only so many conversations you can have about whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza before you never want to engage in small talk ever again.
At the same time, it can be hard to get deep with a stranger you’ve never even met in person.
You avoid asking anything too personal and wind up bored when your conversations never move past pizza toppings.
Try: Finding new ways to open the conversation. You can look through their profile for clues (“I noticed you love this band – what song would you recommend to someone who has never heard them before?”) or look up unique ice-breaker questions online (“What’s your favourite conspiracy theory?”)
4. Anxiety Around Safety
In the age of true-crime podcasts and frightening news headlines, deciding to meet up with a stranger you met online can understandably feel like a bad idea.
Are you actually meeting with the person you think you are, or are you going to end up talking to Kamie and Nev on the next episode of Catfish?
Even if you’re really hitting it off with someone on an app, deciding to give them your phone number and make the leap to meet up in person can feel scary.
Try: Planning a double date that’s not actually a double date. Have a friend set up a date at the same time and same place as you – you don’t have to sit together, but it’s nice to have a familiar face around in case you need to have an emergency meeting in the bathroom.
If this isn’t an option, there are always precautions you can take: only meet with people who have verified their profile, meet your date instead of letting them pick you up, and share your location with a trusted friend throughout the whole date.
5. Constant Rejection and Ghosting
You’ve finally found someone you enjoy messaging, you’ve been talking to them for a couple weeks, and you’re working up the courage to finally ask them out in person.
You craft the perfect message, run it by your group chat for approval, and open up your dating app to send it – only to see that the person you’ve been falling for has unmatched you.
Even if you’ve never heard their voice or met them in person, this rejection stings.
Try: Remembering that ghosting says more about them than it does about you. This doesn’t mean they’re a bad person – maybe they bumped into the love of their life at a coffee shop and deleted all of their dating apps immediately.
When someone rejects you on a dating app, it can also feel incredibly personal – but remember that they barely know you.
Dating apps rarely give you closure, so don’t assume the worst, and don’t assume that you did anything wrong.
Next Steps for Successful Dating
After reading this article, you know five ways dating apps can burn you out and five things to try instead.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re passionate about helping people find their ideal relationships. For over 14 years, we’ve helped our clients identify what they want in a relationship, challenge their negative patterns, and learn new ways to find the fulfilling love they’re looking for.
Book an appointment with one of our talented relationship therapists today or connect with our team if you have any questions.
If you’re not yet ready to book an appointment, check out these articles to keep learning:
