What is Love Bombing? (& 3 Ways to Stop It)
After what seems like forever, you’ve finally met someone you’re excited about dating.
They show up to your first date with flowers, shower you with compliments, and tell you how you’re the only person who has ever understood them completely.
It feels nice to feel so special.
But after a while, the level of attention begins to feel like it’s too much – you barely have time to see your friends, you quit your favourite yoga class to spend more time with your new partner, and you can’t remember the last time you had a night alone.
Here at KMA Therapy, we know how complicated relationships can be. For over 14 years, we’ve helped our clients learn how to have the healthy, supportive relationships they want.
After reading this article, you’ll know what love bombing is, how to recognize it, and three ways to put a stop to love bombing in your relationship.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is an overly affectionate pattern of behaviour that happens at the start of a new relationship.
They’ll shower you with intense compliments (“You matter to me more than anyone else in my life”), buy you extravagant gifts, and make themselves available to you all day, every day.
While the honeymoon phase is normal – it makes sense that you want to impress a new partner, explore their personality, and spend a lot of time together – love bombing quickly turns into a power struggle.
With love bombing, you begin to feel like you’re losing parts of yourself in the relationship.
Warning signs of love bombing include:
- Being overly possessive of your time
- Asking you for serious commitment too early
- Acting as if you owe them for gifts they’ve purchased
- Making you feel like you’re on a pedestal – they act like you’re perfect, but if you make one small mistake, they get upset
3 Ways to Stop a Partner from Love Bombing You
When you meet someone you really connect with, it can be easy to come on too strong.
Just because your new partner is buying you lots of presents or complimenting you throughout the day doesn’t mean they’re intentionally love-bombing you.
Still, these relationship patterns can be an indication of an uneven power dynamic beginning to form in the relationship – and if your partner is becoming too controlling, it doesn’t matter whether their behaviour is intentional or not.
Trying these three strategies can help you know whether your partner is just really caught up in the moment, or if there might be something more serious going on.
1. Have an Open, Honest Conversation
If you’re reading this article, chances are you’re feeling overwhelmed in your relationship.
Take a moment to reflect on what you really need in your relationship – it can be helpful to write a list or discuss your feelings with a friend.
Think about whether you need:
- Activities or hobbies you do separately from each other
- A few nights a week reserved to spend time with your friends
- Set expectations around how much money you spend on each other and who pays for what
Once you know what you need, have an open conversation about it.
Choose a time when you’re both in a good headspace and have the time you need to get into the conversation – remember that you can take breaks whenever you need to.
Hopefully, your partner will be receptive to the conversation, want to understand your feelings and perspectives, and be open to figuring out how to best move forward together.
2. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Once you’ve decided on what you both need in the relationship, it’s time to set boundaries and stick to them.
If you’ve decided that Monday nights are reserved for watching The Bachelorette with your friends, your partner shouldn’t be upset when you head out the door.
If you’ve agreed to limit extravagant gifts to special occasions, your partner shouldn’t show up with an expensive watch just to surprise you.
This step will be important to know whether this partner is someone you can build a healthy relationship with.
It’s okay to revisit boundaries or discuss them – something might sound like a great idea on paper, but in reality, it doesn’t work out.
But these conversations should be respectful – you shouldn’t feel like you’re doing something wrong by disagreeing with your partner.
3. Talk to Someone You Trust for an Outside Opinion
We’ve all fallen for someone our friends just don’t approve of – and after the breakup, it’s much easier to see the red flags your friends saw from the beginning.
Talking to someone outside of your relationship – like a friend, therapist, or trusted family member – is a great way to explore what’s really happening.
You’ll be able to get an outside perspective, and it can also be easier to realize how you feel
about the relationship when you have to explain it to someone else.
Next Steps to Handle Love Bombing
While love bombing isn’t always dangerous, it can lead to controlling behaviour patterns that put you at risk.
If your partner’s behaviour ever crosses a boundary where you feel unsafe, there are many resources for intimate partner violence you can explore for support.
After reading this article, you know three ways to handle love bombing in your relationship.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re relationship experts. Whether you’re looking for couples counselling or you want to see a therapist on your own, our dedicated team is here to help.
Book an appointment with one of our talented therapists today or reach out to our team if you have any questions.
If you’re not yet ready to book an appointment, read these articles to keep learning:
