Why is it So Hard to Get Over Someone You Never Dated? (& 3 Ways to Move On)
You never dated them, so it’s not really a breakup.
But when the person you’ve been falling for falls for someone else, it can be just as heartbreaking as the end of a romance.
You weren’t actually together - so why is it so hard to accept that you never will be?
Here at KMA Therapy, we know how complicated relationships can be - we’ve been helping our clients navigate romance for over 15 years. We’re here to help you understand your emotions and move toward the fulfilling relationships you deserve.
After reading this article, you’ll know why it’s so hard to get over someone you didn’t date and three ways you can move forward.
Why Can’t I Get Over Someone I Never Even Dated?
Getting over someone you never dated can be incredibly difficult because you’re mourning the potential of what you could have had - and you’re often left with more questions than answers.
When you go through a breakup, it can be easier to find closure because, well, at least you gave it a shot. You tried to make it work, and for whatever reason, it wasn’t the right fit for one (or both) if you.
While this can be devastating, you can often reflect on moments where you realized the relationship wasn’t right. You’ll also get a lot of support - “going through a breakup” is a pretty universal experience that doesn’t require a lot of explanation on your part.
Getting over someone you never dated can be hard because:
- You often don’t have a clear explanation or closure
- You never had the chance to experience the relationship
- You’re grieving the future you never got to experience together
- You’re losing the fantasy of dating the person - rather than the reality
- It can be hard to explain what you’re experiencing to friends and family, making it hard to receive support
It can also be hard to let go of the idea that this person would be perfect for you.
When you’re in a relationship, you get to experience it all - the good and the bad. If you never even dated, you never had a chance to see the parts of the relationship that wouldn’t work for you - and it can be hard to let go of the fantasy of a perfect relationship.
3 Ways to Move on From Someone You Never Dated
Moving on from someone you never dated can feel hard, but it’s far from impossible.
Take these three steps to give yourself closure and move toward the relationships you want.
1. Accept your feelings without minimizing them
It can be easy to tell yourself you’re overreacting or being dramatic - after all, you aren't actually going through a breakup.
It’s important to accept that your feelings are real and valid.
You’re allowed to feel heartbroken and frustrated and sad that the relationship didn’t turn out the way you hoped.
Some ways to accept and express your feelings include:
- Journaling about the experience
- Talking to trusted friends or family
- Speaking to a relationship therapist
- Watching shows or movies with themes you relate to
- Making a playlist with songs that remind you of the other person
2. Get some distance from them
After you’ve given yourself some time to mourn the relationship you had (and the romance you never got to have) with this person, it’s time to get some distance from them.
This distance can be physical, like minimizing the time you spend together, or virtual, like restraining yourself from constantly cyber-stalking them.
You don’t need to unfollow them on social media, but muting their posts and stories from your feed can be a helpful way to give yourself space.
If they’re someone you have to see often, create some boundaries for yourself in order to protect your emotions.
Think about the types of conversations you still want to have with them, and the kind of activities you want to do together moving forward.
You don’t need to cut them off completely, but it might be better to replace your one-on-one coffee shop excursions with larger group hang outs.
3. Envision what you want moving forward
Whether you had a crush on a friend, developed deeper feelings for your situationship, or fell a bit too hard for your office crush, you might be experiencing this heartbreak because your expectations didn’t align with reality.
This isn’t a bad thing - it’s great to have high expectations and ideals when it comes to the relationships you want to have.
Still, it can be helpful to clarify what went wrong - did you brush them off when they expressed they weren’t interested in romance? Did they cancel plans last-minute to spend time with someone else?
Creating a list of what you want moving forward can be a helpful way to explore potential relationships, and it can give you a reason to feel excited about the future.
Think about what you need in terms of:
- How you want to feel when you’re together
- How much time you want to spend together
- How you want them to communicate with you
- The kinds of activities you want to do together
- Any deal breakers or red flags that you don’t want to put up with
Next Steps for Moving on from a Heartbreak
After reading this article, you know why it can be so difficult to move on from someone you didn’t date and three steps you can take to move forward.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re here for when you don’t want to take these steps alone.
Our caring therapy team is here to help you navigate your feelings about your past relationships, explore what you want moving forward, and equip you with the skills you need to thrive in your life and relationships.
Book an appointment today or take our free Attachment Styles Quiz to learn more about how you behave in relationships.
If you’d prefer to keep reading, we’ve selected these articles for you:
